She Said "I'm Fine" But She's Not | Truly Unruly

Marcus and Jess unpack a listener's email about a wife who did a 180 after saying "I do." Is it perimenopause or unspoken resentment? The crew gets into why marriage is a daily choice, how long couples should tolerate walking on eggshells, and what it really means to commit.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

You're listening to Truly Unruly with Marcus and Jessica Trufon. Slate. All right, here we go. Oh shit. Sorry. Heartburn. I know. I just turned 40, starting to get that heartburn already. Oh, you are.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

Oh my god, Kel. It was your oh, Kel.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

40 piece.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Happy birthday.

SPEAKER_04 0:27

40 piece. It's over.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

I don't even feel 40. That's what's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

You're 40?

SPEAKER_04 0:32

Try to do some shit you did in your 20s. You would feel like 40. Not yet.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Not yet. It really starts uh well, like 41, 42. That's when the downhill decline starts.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

When I cross the threshold. Okay. Yeah, I try to try to live by that Prince mantra.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

When all your bad decisions come back.

SPEAKER_02 0:51

Prince mantra. I want to hear this. Prince had said, just Jess, you're gonna rock with me on this. He said, you only technically have one birthday because you're born once. That's fair. So what is really age? Because think about it. Every time you have a birthday, the stars aren't in the place in the sky the same place it was when you were born.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Not on the same day. It's not the same.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

Exactly. So technically, do you have a birthday?

SPEAKER_00 1:24

No, because time doesn't exist and neither does it. Exactly. If you want to have birthday. We made that up. We created birthday. We created the you know we needed to find something to mark.

SPEAKER_04 1:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

You know, and so I don't know when it became a yearly thing. Like we gotta celebrate it every well. It's like we gotta we celebrate the birth of Jesus every year. So I guess we have to celebrate us every year.

unknown 1:47

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

A money grab.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

It's a business, first and foremost.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

So that's the thing. The only reason you age technically is because of gravity. Gravity is the reason why gravity pressing down on you is the reason why you your skin starts to do a shit, all whatever. It's gravity. So like you only that saying of that cliche of like you're only as old as you feel. I feel like there's a lot of truth to that.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

There is. You're only as old as you feel, but your body is bound to this 3D plane. So you're gonna die. Your body's gonna deteriorate.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

One way or another.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

See, Jess, I knew you were gonna rock with me on that. All right. Yeah, let's let's get started. We're already into it. So damn, it's truly unruly with Marcus Truffont, Jessica Trufont. My name is Kel. Uh, folks, we have another email today. This one is, is it? This one's this one's pretty funny. Uh, Jess, I would really like your insights on this because you're a woman. So I feel like you can shed some light on this and be like, well, this is probably why this person's acting this way or that way. Here we go. Hey guys, I really need some advice because I'm a little lost. My wife and I have only been married a short time, and it feels like she's become a different person after we said I do. She seems angry and irritated all the time. I've asked her over and over if something's wrong or if I did something to upset her, but she always says I'm fine. The problem is, she's clearly not fine. It feels like I'm walking on eggshells in my own home, and I honestly don't know what happened. This isn't the woman I dated, and it's not that I thought excuse me, and it's not what I thought marriage would be like. I love her, but I didn't sign up to live with someone who's constantly upset. How do I bring this up without starting another argument? Or am I missing something, or is this just who she is now?

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Who she is now? How long have they been together? Like, I don't get it. When how long have they been together that this is such a drastic transition?

SPEAKER_02 3:57

Sounds like we said that it sounds like you see said right after they got married, it just switched. It was a 180.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

Were they living together prior to this?

SPEAKER_02 4:10

I have no idea, but I I because there's many factors.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

Because unless she's um, you know, uh found herself and had some type of uh awakening of some sort, this is who she's always been, or maybe she made a mistake.

SPEAKER_04 4:29

So she was faking from the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 4:32

Sometimes you do things, you take it all the way to marriage, big ceremony, big all the things, and then you realize or getting the things she wanted for, or what she thought was gonna work for her, right?

SPEAKER_04 4:45

Yeah, yeah, because the marriage and the ceremony is usually not for the guy, it's for the uh it's for the sport.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

True. It's for the for the love of the game. It's for the love of the game. Right. It really is. It's for the sport. Um so yeah. I uh what were we talking about again? So we said what should he do, right? Oh, I'm Perimenopause too, by the way. I've been that way. I realized. Oops.

SPEAKER_04 5:18

For her or for you?

SPEAKER_00 5:19

Me. Sorry. Brain Fox. What?

SPEAKER_04 5:23

Um anyways, yeah. So the guy should uh find a way not to feel responsible for his wife's happiness and not feel guilty about uh things that he can't control.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

True.

SPEAKER_04 5:42

Right? That there's a lot of pressure and um she's going through her own stuff and he he's going through his, but he has to find a way to make a separation if he can. It's tough because as guys, sometimes we feel like it's our responsibility to be this um, you know, the caretaker of all things. Right? But sometimes um I guess what am I trying to say? You just gotta take a step back, right? And just kind of let it be. But um be vocal about it. So I can appreciate that he's reaching out and wants to bring this back to his wife and be like, okay, this is what I'm seeing and this is what I don't like, and they should have a grown-up conversation about it.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

Yeah, that's fair.

SPEAKER_04 6:30

Yeah, that's fair, right?

SPEAKER_00 6:32

Yeah, like you said, he's not responsible for his happiness, he's not responsible for carrying or for her or her happiness or her, you know, he's not responsible for that. But at the same time, they do have an energetic tie together as husband and wife. And when one person's energy is consistently fucked up, it will eventually fuck with your energy, no matter how hard you tried. Both people have to go, you stay tethered. So um he's obviously going to have to make some decisions. And if he's like it's gonna turn into an argument, again, I'm gonna question why the fuck are you married? If it's already an unhappy downhill situation, and she needs to be able to communicate and express if there is something wrong, if there is nothing wrong, then sir, you need to consider is it worth being in that state and walking on eggshells? Who the fuck wants to walk on eggshells in a marriage? Fuck that. A lot of people do it, which is directly why people are so fucking unhappy and then they project their shit and go around and be mean to other people because they're unhappy.

SPEAKER_04 7:55

A lot of people do it because marriage is um a thing that people some people right see it as a as a for everything, and you fight through and you get through and you go through the ups and downs, and yeah, a part of that. But there is a point to where it just doesn't work.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Right. And like I said, again, marriage, the union, the piece of paper that you sign, all of that kind of stuff, that's all you know, put into place and is consistent because we all buy into it and all of that kind of stuff. But when it's all said and done, like we're realizing you can just walk away, you can just be like, I don't want to be married. You know, it's that simple. The only thing that makes it super complicated is all the fucking paper, the money you've spent, the other people are fucking invested in your fucking business. That's the only problem. And how you're gonna look to other people when it doesn't work. If it doesn't work, it just fucking doesn't work. It's like that. It's that simple. People are attaching way too much to it.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

Yeah, I think he should just quit her. Honestly, they ain't been married that long. Cut your losses if you feel like your losses are walking on. Yeah, I feel like if you're walking on eggshells and you feel miserable because this person is going through whatever it is that they've been going through and they're not and they don't want to change or get better, leave.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

You don't gotta stay. It's not always that easy, but not without trying. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's not always that easy.

SPEAKER_04 9:28

And like I said, somebody that you love and you like you've been in a place to where you have been really happy, right? And you are trying to get back to that. So it's not always that easy just to cut that tie like that.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

Um sometimes it is that easy, but it depends on how you're wired for the uh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:51

And obviously, he's not wired in that way. So what I'm saying is he's trying, he's trying to figure it out, ask some questions, and he thinks or feels like there's something that could be saved here if she gets back to what she used to be.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

And that's a part of our delusion, is we like to hold on to versions of people that do not, that are past, that don't exist anymore. And you hold on to it and you hold on to it at your own expense. So it's like, what are you willing to take because you love this person? Are you willing to walk on eggshells for the rest of your life because you love this person? Okay, that's one way to do it. But if you don't want to do that, you don't have to. It is all about choice. Um, so but like I said, not without working. And like I just mentioned, I am perimenopause. I don't know how old this woman is, but when you don't, it perimenopause is fucking something. Are you kidding me? I don't know if I'm fucking coming or going.

SPEAKER_04 11:01

So with that said, though, should this man or should I even have understanding of that and or just be like, okay, this isn't for me. I don't like how she's acting. I'm gonna cut this. Since we're just gonna move on and do things just because of how we feel in that moment, or don't isn't that how we do things based on how we feel?

SPEAKER_02 11:25

Not without troubleshooting. Not without troubleshooting.

SPEAKER_04 11:28

There should be no understanding, though. Yeah, the troubleshooting and the understanding of the thing.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_04 11:35

You're saying both, though.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

Because I can say both, because both things are possible. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Uh, anyways, that's that's this is what I do. This is what I do. I track patterns, hold timelines, timelines, put information in, update it, change. Anyways, all possibilities spit out, they all exist.

SPEAKER_02 11:56

You know what I think he should try to do, and I think this is actually an easy fix. For most women, when they're angry and you don't know why they're angry, it's usually one thing. She's probably just fucking hungry. Like, you are you know I'm right. Think about it. If he it's it's like a baby, right? You know when you have a newborn baby and you don't know which cry is what, and you're trying to figure out which cry it is, so it's like, oh, are you crying because you're hungry or you need to be changed or you need to burp? It's the same thing with women. All you need to do is offer her crab legs or tacos. Women don't turn down, they're gonna take one or the other. They don't they don't turn down crab legs and tacos. Baby, you hungry? Baby, you want some crab legs? What woman do you ever that's mad? You're gonna be like, baby, you want some crab blades, she's gonna stay mad. She's gonna be like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

It's an e- I don't know. If you're on TV, maybe it works like that. No, but it should try to work. You can't buy me, you can't get me with Marcus.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Has there ever been a time when Jess has been angry and you be like, yo, you wanna get some food? And it does she turn it down.

SPEAKER_04 13:13

We usually get the food.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

I mean, it's I'm saying it doesn't, it doesn't erase the or change the situation. But it does, but first of all, being hangry isn't exclusive to women. I believe all the Snickers commercials are fucking overgrown baby men that need to bite into Snickers. Maybe you guys, yeah, maybe you guys need to eat a little bit more to stop being so fucking weird. Um because you guys are hangry, not us. And excuse me, the givers of life that have to learn how to read our babies' cries. We know when we're hungry and we understand it.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

I'm just saying, I've never seen a woman turn down crab legs or tacos. Because usually when the food is there, the smile comes on the face.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

I'm a taco person.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

That's what I'm saying. It's one or the other. You like crab legs or you like tacos.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

He's not sending an email because his woman is just hangry. Hey, it might be angry as this.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

Hey, she might be on some kind of diet. She might be on some kind of diet. She can be on something and she might be upset because she might really be hangry. I know, I know how fucking elementary and how basic and how stupid this sounds, but sometimes that's all it takes is some food.

SPEAKER_04 14:40

Leave a comment below. He needs to really evaluate, though. Well, I think the food is bullshit, but he needs to really take a hard look. I don't know how long they've been married.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

If you need food to regulate your mood.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

Nah, that's that's not might be diabetic. She might be diabetic and doesn't know and has mood swings because she her blood sugar's low.

SPEAKER_04 15:02

She needs to communicate and we need to be able to do that. Communicate or even if she does communicate, he doesn't, he still has a choice to make.

SPEAKER_00 15:13

Right, but I feel bad. I feel bad when you don't him, when you don't understand what is going on with your partner, and your partner is saying they're fine. And then, like I said, it becomes about how long are you gonna put up with that for? Are you gonna wait for her to change back? Like, how are you gonna know, like what's gonna happen? What's what shift is gonna make her go back?

SPEAKER_04 15:43

I'd be too far gone. It's the thought of what used to be that uh and maybe it is or what was maybe it is him that she's not fooling with, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:57

To sit there and say to continu to continuously say something seriously like I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. Like, clearly you're not.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

And there's something that's early in a marriage, that is.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

And it's like it's almost like, yeah, and it's almost like I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. I don't want to tell you because if I do tell you, I'm gonna hurt your feelings. Well, that's it.

SPEAKER_04 16:19

And make you even regret this decision getting married and walking on eggshells and doing all the things.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

Why are you so unhappy? What is going on? What it like, what is the reason?

SPEAKER_04 16:31

Some people don't really know why they're angry, or they don't give themselves the opportunity to search themselves, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:40

And don't realize they're missing out on opportunities, connections, love, relationship, because they're just angry.

SPEAKER_04 16:47

Well, the grasshow ain't always greener. It could get worse too. So while she is shitting on this dude that she um potentially doesn't like anymore, I would hope that's not the case. She goes to the next, and it can be a lot worse, but I'm not here to judge.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

If it doesn't work, well, to be day and night like that, where it's oh, we're dating, it's great. Then it's oh, we're married. I hate this. That is that I wake up now every day next to this person. She probably might get sick of his his mannerisms, it might be the way he lives. Because I guess I I I've I've I've known plenty of people that have gotten married before they've lived together. Like you said earlier, Jess, like are have they lived together? I've known plenty of people that never lived together, got married, finally started living together, and was like, holy shit, what did I just get myself into? Because now you are adjusting and living around this person's their their their life, their their their hat, their good habits, their bad habits. You know what I'm saying? Like, and that can definitely put a damper on a relationship, especially if it's something that you're like, oh, I did not sign up for this. This motherfucker don't clean up after themselves, they don't do this, they don't da-da-da-da.

SPEAKER_04 18:11

So But that's religion too. You're not supposed to be able to do that. But that's where they're not supposed to shack up. Where's the love? What do you mean?

SPEAKER_00 18:18

Like when you're married, you're gonna you live together, it's a union, you're binded forever. Uh, that just proves people have fucking limitations because some people cannot tolerate, even once they commit to that person, their behaviors, uh, their, you know, that kind of stuff. Seriously.

SPEAKER_04 18:36

You gotta learn though. You gotta learn your person and how to do it. I mean, we're talking about marriage.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

People get married in Vegas and then divorce six hours later. I mean, come on.

SPEAKER_04 18:45

Well, people be married for 50 years and they hate a lot of the stuff their partner does, but they found a way to maneuver.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

Okay, she's gonna be there has to be a balance, though.

SPEAKER_04 18:56

Yeah, but she's gonna be in the kitchen, so I'm gonna go to my has to be a balance.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

That's what I'm trying to do.

SPEAKER_04 19:02

But I too you find a way to balance the scale, right?

SPEAKER_00 19:05

Yeah, but sometimes or one person sacrifices.

SPEAKER_04 19:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

And it just works that way.

SPEAKER_02 19:14

But I feel like when you get to those, when you get to those people that are married 30, 40, 50, 50 years, all that kind of shit, I think that is folks that get to a certain threshold where it's like, we didn't got this far.

SPEAKER_04 19:29

I can turn back now, right? Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:31

We can we ain't turning back now. Um yeah. This is essentially my best friend. It's comfortable. This is my best friend.

SPEAKER_04 19:39

But I hate you at the same time, yeah. Yeah, because I'm able to deal with that, right?

SPEAKER_02 19:43

Because I've you've we've all seen them old people who just be talking shit to each other. Nice. Stop. But 55, 50 years. But they live that's it.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

But the love, but it's it's in res, it's with respect, and it's with it's it's well, even I'm not gonna do that. You the word there's not gonna be a whole bunch of back and forth banter on a regular basis filled with disres disrespect. That that's not how I am gonna choose to be in a marriage. Um, but like I said, it's all about what you want to make of it, what you want to take. Like I said, people divorce for like almost no reason sometimes. I don't know. It's like I, you know, it just marriage committing to somebody is it's a choice. Yeah. Every day you're married is a choice. It is a choice. It is not, it is not the gold standard, it is not a must. It is not, you're not less than if you don't like everybody, just calm down with your marriage. You want to get married and have lavish weddings and stay tethered to somebody, especially somebody who is not equally matched with you for the rest of your life for the sake of saying I've been loyal and committed.

SPEAKER_04 21:10

What are you doing in the beginning then? Why are you doing that? What's the Why are you doing what? Why are you even getting married from the beginning? Because, like I'm saying, from a woman's perspective, if you're not Do you know how we have been groomed? I know, but you're saying somebody that's aware. You're coming from a person that's aware, right? And I don't have to do this, I don't have to do that. So you might as well not get married and just be a free spirit.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Yes, okay, well, if you so choose that too.

SPEAKER_04 21:43

But but that's what I'm saying. What are you doing if you're gonna get married? There's no reason to get married if you're of that you're trying it out.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

Some people try it on and it doesn't fit. Jesus Christ, and they take it off.

SPEAKER_02 21:59

Do you get Guys, remember this old couple, speaking of old people getting divorced, uh, the old Italian dude that ended his 77-year marriage at the age of 99 after discovering his wife had an affair back in the 1940s.

SPEAKER_04 22:14

40 years ago or something like that? Back in the 1940s. And he divorced her ass. You know. Okay. That's fair. You know, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

It works for him. Like I said, you're born alone, you die alone. Not even that, though. I think it makes life much more sweeter when you have somebody that you can partner with. I do. It it helps distribute the load. It gives you, you know, somebody to share things with and to grow with and to, I don't, you know, have kids, you know, all that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_04 22:51

But right. And feelings are feelings. So back to what you said, Kale, about this guy and the um cheating that was 40 years ago after their I guess like a 70-year marriage, he was hurt by that is what I got from it, and he couldn't get over it. No matter how long they've been together. And you know, as guys, we uh take things differently. So he was like, I'm done, right? After how many years, Kale? 77.

SPEAKER_02 23:25

Damn. I'm gonna be able to do that. I mean, and that's wild. I mean, think about it too.

SPEAKER_04 23:30

I mean, you gotta respect it though.

SPEAKER_02 23:32

Yeah, you know the saying.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

One of them was gonna have to be alone anyway.

SPEAKER_02 23:39

I know, right? It's I mean, it is one of those, it's one of those things where it's like it don't matter how long you've been with somebody or how much you love them, there's a motherfucker out there that's sick of them. Like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? And and for food for this old dude, shit, he might have been hearing bullshit from his wife his whole 77 years of marriage just to find out she was the one cheating. You did what? Could he could have he could have been proving a point, like yo, you always accused me of da da da da da, and I find love letters from the 1940s of a secret affair that you have off a principle. I gotta be done with you.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

Right, right, yeah. Right, right. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 24:27

Unless you want to get over it, unless you want to acknowledge, okay, and you make a conscious decision.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

All right. It's more fun to be petty.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Yep. Yep. True. No, not like that. But you know, sometimes it just proves it's just it's whatever you can take.

SPEAKER_04 24:51

Yeah. Or whatever. It's not even whatever you can take because he Yeah. Just what you're willing to take. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

Do you yeah, because like with this with this marriage and this this wife and this attitude, do you think that there was no boundaries ever created? Because it seems like he's like it's like he's willing to put up with it instead of being like, yo, like, what the fuck is the problem? Clearly there's a problem, and just kind of taking charge of the situation and grabbing the bull by the horns and being like, there's clearly a problem because you're angry all the time. Right? Like, you know, what did that do? I I don't, I don't, I don't know. Like, does I don't know if it forces an answer? I don't know, forces a reaction, but it's like just kind of pussyfooting around of like, hey, are you okay? You sure? Are you uh uh uh uh uh like yeah dude, pull your big boy pants on and fucking put you might have to corner. He's scared. That's what it sounds like. He sounds fucking scared, and it's like you might need to corner her. Yo, what's fucking good?

SPEAKER_00 26:06

Cause this ain't right, you know, and I'm not gonna sit here in this new marriage with a partner that isn't even, you know, that's not happy. How do you think that makes me feel? What do you think that does to me? Consider me too.

SPEAKER_04 26:25

He shouldn't have to ask or shouldn't have to have that conversation. And and I don't think it's about uh I don't think it's about being stern or taking the bull by the horns. You don't want to have to force anybody to do anything, so he needs to just have a conversation, and like I guess you ask one last time, and if it's not what you want to hear, right? You got decisions to make, right? But it's not easy, and to feel like you have to force somebody to do something is city feeling, right? Yeah, that's for yeah, that's for men or women, right? That's uh that's a bad look.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Well, it's like a form of rejection.

SPEAKER_04 27:14

Yeah, it's a hella form of uh rejection.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

Like, ah, my wife doesn't.

SPEAKER_02 27:20

I would just I would just need some kind of closure though. Like, you not telling me anything, and you've been getting the closure from the actions. Yeah, I know, but like but like no, you're right, but I just feel like I would just need to know the root of all of this because I would want to know what do I do next time in my next relationship so I don't make this mistake again if it is me. Right, like I because now I want to be better for the next person that I'm with, right?

SPEAKER_00 27:50

Like, did he meet her yesterday, though? That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_04 27:54

He is him. You don't want to let that change you.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

How did you not see any signs?

SPEAKER_04 27:59

It's just a compatibility thing. Is that a word?

SPEAKER_00 28:04

Wait, you're like he said, I I'm sorry. It sounds like a Houdini magic trick that there was no signs or signals, and it's suddenly it's like the women they get married, and and then it becomes She played nice.

SPEAKER_04 28:20

I want to be married, I have this But then she doesn't want to be married. I have this fairy tale, and now okay, I'm unsure.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

I don't like this anymore, and now I'm gonna be sad for her, too.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

No, because she needs a fucking Snickers because she's fucking hungry. Back to my original point. Fuck what both of you niggas is talking about she's hungry, she's hungry. Crab legs and tacos, nigga.

SPEAKER_04 28:49

Don't feed her shit. Don't give her anything. That's what this dude needs to do. That's what it is, right? Take care of yourself, make a decision.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

I know, or you can do, you can like literally just start ignoring her, yeah, and focusing on you. But that's really hard to do, like I said, when you're dying to somebody.

SPEAKER_04 29:10

And she'll, you know, women got the gift of uh, yeah, so she'll be straddling the fence.

SPEAKER_00 29:19

Women have the gift of what?

SPEAKER_04 29:20

Of being able to get what they want when they want it, acting a certain way, if they want to be able to get a chance to get to be a show. She'll catch a shit, she'll catch a hit.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

Everybody uses manipulation in some form.

SPEAKER_02 29:35

Yeah, but like if if he if he starts, if he stops trying to get, let's say, like be intimate with her, right? And it's just like doesn't even try, and then maybe she tries, he's like, nah.

SPEAKER_04 29:49

He'll get a response.

SPEAKER_02 29:50

Then it's like, what's you get a you'll get a real quick response when you know what I'm saying? When you start, nah, I don't, I'm good, I'm going to sleep. Well, give it a shoulder.

SPEAKER_00 29:58

Yeah, I would try that too. I would try that too, and see how what that produces, what kind of response, like get some type of response out of her. And if you don't, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:10

Then you, if you don't, you know, you know something's wrong. You can just tell by reading the email, like he sounds no offense, my man. Like this is this is this is coming from a good place, but she's made him feel very insecure because he sounds very insecure right now about what I hear is that he's really into her maybe for the wrong reasons, though.

SPEAKER_04 30:35

Maybe because he is fearful of being alone or all these other things. That's what I'm saying. We tried it out too much.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

He's trying tried it out now, they're trying it out now.

SPEAKER_04 30:52

So, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

When you look at okay, I know. Eventually, yeah, eventually, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:03

Damn.

SPEAKER_00 31:03

Well, no, you're sorry, homie, a dude if you just got married and your wife doesn't want you.

SPEAKER_04 31:09

So or is she some type of woman for marrying a dude she doesn't really both?

SPEAKER_00 31:14

If you didn't see it, then if you didn't see anything, it then I'm just and then we get an update email later.

SPEAKER_02 31:23

We find out it was an arranged marriage or some shit.

SPEAKER_00 31:28

Well, that would you know what? I think arranged marriages might be even more peaceful because you know, when you're in an arranged marriage, that is control on control on control and condition. So you're already don't have any any rights any say anymore, anyway. So you might as well just well, I mean, like, and I don't give a fuck. That's that's ex that's what most of these are. And like I said, it's a cultural thing. Like they're literally, it's like when you're born and you're told this is what you're gonna do, that's all they know. So they don't even know, you know, you're just take it and deal with it. Just imagine not being able to have a choice.

SPEAKER_02 32:10

You can't pick your partner and your parents, and your parents do it for you strictly on financial reasons for two families to come together for financial gain type shit. Like right. Like, I can't even, I couldn't even imagine my mom's.

SPEAKER_04 32:27

A lot of them work though, though, right?

SPEAKER_00 32:28

A lot of them work because of how it's set up. It's how they're conditioned where you don't it it's it has to work, you don't have a choice. Remember, you could just get a divorce in the 19th, so uh they're playing it's different.

SPEAKER_04 32:46

I'm not saying that, like, oh, this is great, but all I'm saying is that some people, well, maybe they appear to be happy through that process.

SPEAKER_00 32:55

I don't know enough about it to, but we choose our partners and are unhappy. I know, but um so I can't imagine when other people are doing it for you.

SPEAKER_02 33:06

Could you imagine your parents connecting you with a prick and you're like, fuck, I gotta marry this fucking asshole? You know what I'm saying? Or somebody you're not attracted to, and you have support children with that, and you and you gotta let that motherfucker get on top of you.

SPEAKER_04 33:25

People do it all the time for financial gain, not even having to be in a ring.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

Again, what freedom is that?

SPEAKER_04 33:32

It's not, but people do it all the time, is my point.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

It's not freedom, though. It's again, it's another it's another trap.

SPEAKER_02 33:39

But but to but to do it, Marcus, and then be legally bound to this person, it's different when it's like uh I'm doing it for financial gain, I'm gonna let this motherfucker whatever, and then you leave and you go about your business.

SPEAKER_04 33:53

But when you are married and shit, though, so people go that far too, is what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_02 33:56

Yeah, but like when you are you have to be like you have to in some of those arranged marriages, even like be submissive to this person and have to listen to this person and do that old shit. I'm some old world shit, like right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

That's that's real old world.

SPEAKER_02 34:16

That's some real shit. That is some real shit. Like, I could not imagine. Could you imagine just your parents be like, hey, you're marrying him?

SPEAKER_00 34:27

No. And you're married. I mean, and granted, you can do that's what I'm saying. When everybody buys into something, then it becomes a real thing. And everybody that's buying into it thinks that that is what it is, but then you turn around and come to America, and that's totally not what it is. So it's like anything goes. That's why I'm saying love, marriage, this, that. Everybody shut up. Shut up. It's different all over the fucking world. There's different rules, there's different criteria, there's different this, but I guess for some reason one is superior than the other. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 35:04

Um, so you're marrying him because he gave us two cows and a goat, and I really wanted that goat. And you don't have a choice. What do you mean, dad? Yeah, we really wanted that goat and those two cows, so you're gonna be marrying him.

SPEAKER_00 35:19

It's crazy. Sounds crazy.

SPEAKER_02 35:21

I've you've given away your daughter's innocence for fucking two cows and a goat. Like, that's wild.

SPEAKER_00 35:30

What about self? What about free will? That is not free will at all. So but free will Yeah, that's subjective too.

SPEAKER_04 35:41

That's a whole nother to this email that we got from this guy. Yeah, it did. So it did.

SPEAKER_02 35:49

Well, I hope homie figures it out. Yep. Um, and don't be afraid to be by yourself. I wish him well, yeah. Yeah, for real.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

Like if you if you the right one will come along, work on yourself and attract the right one, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:05

Yeah, because this bitch, if she always got an attitude like that, you know she ain't fucking good either. That's the other part that's like, if you know what I'm saying, if she ain't she ain't into it, she ain't into she ain't it, she ain't into nothing.

SPEAKER_04 36:17

And that's why I'm still trying. I said she might be so that's why he's still trying his damnedest to put this thing back together.

SPEAKER_03 36:25

That's the only time he can get her to be cool, is when she busts it open. That's why he put up with it. God, the power of the pussy.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

I can imagine if she's always upset, she's not busting it open on a regular because he would not be complaining. Trust. This whole attitude thing, he would be like, She got an attitude, but so yeah, no, she ain't busting it open. Not like that.

SPEAKER_02 36:48

That's facts. That's like women. The power of the I've no, I've known of a dude. I I know a dude lives up the street from me, not gonna say his name because he might watch this, but he and his chick, they weren't even married yet. And I remember they'd be at little get togethers and we'd be like, and how they talk to each other, I'd be like, yo, do these two even like each other? And I remember him telling me, he was like, Yeah, man, she hasn't given me a blowjob in five years. I said, What? Your woman won't won't and he's like, nah, man, she just won't do it. I'm like, see, she'll do it, and that's the thing. It's not that she don't do it, she just don't do it for you, homeboy. Or she'll do it with a grudge, she's done it with another motherfucker. That's the shit you gotta watch.

SPEAKER_00 37:39

Closed mouths don't get fed.

SPEAKER_01 37:43

Well, she definitely doesn't get fed. The fuck?

SPEAKER_03 37:49

Anyways, all right.

SPEAKER_02 37:51

All right. Well, this was a good this was a good conversation. Uh yeah, I hope he figures it out. And uh like you said, man, for yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:06

I hope you uh I hope you survive and are able to open up and start communicating.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

His timing sucks. You get married right when she hits perimetopause. Oh, that's weak. I know that's weak.

SPEAKER_04 38:20

But he has a choice and he doesn't sir.

SPEAKER_00 38:22

Stop being a bitch. Have to be sensitive to ground.

SPEAKER_02 38:26

Yeah. And uh go get her hormones checked, get her testosterone shot.

SPEAKER_00 38:32

Get down to the bottom of it. Because so either way it's gonna hurt, or you know, it's gonna or deal with it.

SPEAKER_04 38:38

I mean, and stop complaining. If you're gonna deal with it, then you deal with it, and you find a way to get through it.

SPEAKER_00 38:45

Right. Or like Kel said, give her some crab legs and tacos. I'm telling you, the bitch is hungry.

SPEAKER_02 38:50

The bitch is hungry. All right, y'all. Uh, truly unruly, y'all, Marcus Chufa, Jessica Trufa. My name is Kel. Follow us all things on all things social at truly unruly underscore podcast. And of course, send us your letters for us to answer all of your questions, and we will give you our best insight, I promise, at uh truly unrulypodcast at gmail.com. Like and subscribe on your favorite podcasting platform and catch the visual over on YouTube. Cool. Till next time, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 39:17

Peace. Much love.